|2012 Year in Review
|2012 Year in Review
It was branded as the "Now or Never" Relaunch and series creator Josh
Hawkins not only a year to remember, but also the biggest year in "All Or
Josh Hawkins takes you on a look back over the last year and relives
some of the best moments in 2012. The list was compiled by the series
creator with in put from viewers at the Official All Or Nothing Forum
hosted by the EpiGuide.
“Hey what’s going on?” he asked her.
“Oh there you are,” Brittany opened her arms for a hug. “It’s a long story, but Nicholas and Natasha’s wedding didn’t go
exactly according to plan,” she explained.
“Why? What happened?”
“Like I said it’s a long story,” she repeated. “What’s important and the reason that I called you,” she smiled, “the Justice of
the Peace was about to leave when Ethan asked if I would renew our wedding vows.”
“Tonight?” Ryan asked.
Brittany shook her head, “Yeah tonight. And I told him that I would, but I needed you here with me, so that you could walk
me down the aisle.”
“Just like the first time?” he questioned. “I would love to be here with you. Let me just call Sam really quick so that he can
come down too.”
“No…” Brittany told him. “I like Sam, I do, but I want it to be just you here with Ethan and I,” she told him as Ethan and the
Justice of the Peace appeared in the doorway of the ballroom.
“Are we good to go Brittany?” Ethan questioned.
She shook her head and introduced Ryan to the Justice of the Peace, “Eileen this is my brother Ryan O’Keefe.”
“Pleasure to meet you,” he extended his hand. “This was quite the last minute event,” Ryan laughed.
Eileen looked at the three of them and gestured toward the altar, “Shall we get started?”
Ethan took Brittany’s hand and smiled over at Ryan, “I think we’re ready,” he said.
“We are gathered here tonight in the site of God and family,” the Justice of the Peace began, “so that Ethan and Brittany
can reaffirm their love...” she recited as the doors of the ballroom burst open.
“Oh…” Josh Marshall said from the back of the room, “Brittany…Ethan…I am so sorry,” he apologized. “The concierge
said that everyone had left,” he continued to explain. “April left her purse…”
“Josh?” Ryan stood up and turned around to see him standing there.
Josh closed his eyes and shook his head, “You’ll are renewing your wedding vows and I totally just barged in like a bat
out of hell…I am so sorry.”
Brittany looked over at Ryan who acted as though he wanted to say something, but held back and it was clear to her that
he was holding back for her sake.
“Why don’t you stay Josh,” Brittany announced. “We should probably have two witnesses anyway,” she conceded.
He took an abrupt step forwards and finally spoke, “I didn’t mean to interrupt Brittany. I’m sorry…I can go.”
“I asked you to stay,” she repeated. “Please join us.”
As Josh took a seat next to Ryan, the Justice of the Peace continued, “We are gathered here tonight in the site of God and
family,” she repeated, “so that Ethan and Brittany can reaffirm their love to one another.”
“Brittany Danielle Pierce…” Ethan began, “I adore you,” he told her as she began to blush. “I often find it hard to believe
that there was a time in my life when you weren’t part of it. The truth of the matter is that before you came into my life I was
lost. You found me and you have made me a better man for loving me and allowing me to love you. I look forward to the
life that we’re continuing to build,” he smiled, “and recommit myself to you here and now – for better or for worse, for rich
or poorer, in sickness and in health and forsaking all others, until death do we part,” he recited their original wedding
She kissed his hand as Eileen looked to her for her renewal vows. Josh and Ryan sat side by side, their hands slightly
grazing one another’s as Brittany began her vows.
“Ethan…I too adore you,” she told him. “Perhaps more than I even should admit, but I can’t help it, I love you so, so much.
And you say that I’ve found you when you were lost…well my darling you saved me when I needed to be saved. You
restored my faith in love and in marriage when it had previously been destroyed,” she smiled. “And the wonderful thing
about our relationship is that you love me unconditionally, with complete trust and without question. You are truly the
greatest man that I have ever known, because you put up with my insecurities, with my quirks, my habits and with me.
And tonight I recommit myself to you and to our relationship – for better or for worse, for rich or poorer, in sickness and in
health and forsaking all others, until death do we part.”
“By the power invested in my by the state of New York, I know pronounce you husband and wife – again. You may kiss the
bride,” Eileen declared as Ethan kissed Brittany.
Ethan & Brittany Renew Their Wedding Vows in New York City
Episode 140: Empire State of Mind, Part II
"One of my regrets when the series went on hiatus in 2006 was never being able to fully
explore the budding relationship between Ethan and Brittany. So when AON was
relaunched in 2009 I decided to make them a strong and committed couple. Being able
to show them in a scene renewing their wedding vows was always important to me."
Brittany Delivers Harsh Words to Bradley
Episode 144: Turning Tables
"One of the through lines that I wanted to interweave into the canvas this year was that of
friendship. Soap operas are rooted in the family connections, but one thing I believe is
just as important is the friendships. Bradley and Brittany share a history almost from the
moment she arrived in River's Edge. In this scene, following her New York City
miscarriage, Brittany lays the blame for her state at Bradley's feet. What transpired was
a gut wrenching moment in both of their lives."
would have called you. Of all the people in the world he could have called…”
“What’s wrong with him calling me?” Bradley asked. “He wanted someone to come see you, who cares about you
She stood from the chair and walked over to the bed, where she proceeded to climb under the covers. “Okay Bradley if
you say so. But here’s the thing,” she turned her back to him, “I really don’t want to see you right now and I think it would
best if you left.”
“I only want to stay for a few minutes and just talk Brittany. Can I at least do that?”
She shook her head and replied in a cold, distant tone, “Why not? Because even though I just said I want you to leave,
you’re going to stay anyway.”
“Why don’t you want me to stay Brittany? You know I only want to help…”
“Well Bradley I want you to get the hell out of my house!” she replied.
“I asked you to leave and you insist on staying. I tell you that I don’t want to talk and you insist that we talk so that you can
help me – I just want to be alone,” she insisted. “So please leave.”
love you. He told me that something happened today and it caused some type of setback. I’d like to know what
happened, maybe I could help.”
She crawled out of the bed and walked across the room, “Just because you’re a doctor Bradley, it doesn’t mean that you’
re a shrink. For Christ sake I already have one of those,” Brittany fired at him.
“Why won’t you leave? I don’t want you here and I promise you I do not want to talk about what happened today…and
even if I did Bradley, you are the last person I would want to talk it over with,” she threw her words at him as if they were
“Can’t you please just let me try and help Brittany? In whatever possible way that I can.”
She shook her head and looked away from him. Bradley took the opportunity to inch closer to her and as he reached to
touch her arm, she turned back to him and immediately pushed him away from her.
“Don’t…do not touch me!” she warned him as her voice cracked and tears slowly began to race down her face. “Just go
away! For Christ sake Bradley…what do I have to do or say for you to just leave me alone,” she screamed at him.
He took a few steps backwards and their eyes met for the first time since he had arrived. The tears had made her eyes
bloodshot red and he could see the pain she was going through. It took every effort in him to not overpower her and wrap
his arms around her. His friend was hurting and she wanted absolutely no help from him.
you look at what you have done to me. You have destroyed me,” she told him. “You and Douglas…the two of you did this
“Did what to you?” he questioned. “What did we do?”
“You broke me…” she shrieked at the top of her lungs. “The two of you shoved me out of window…” she reminded him.
“You have made me this way and for some reason you think that you can just waltz in here and make everything better by
talking?” she sobbed.
“I thought we were past all of that Brittany,” he mumbled. “You are my best friend and if I thought being here caused you
“Then you would what Bradley…leave?” she asked. “Because I have been asking you to leave me alone since you got
here…to just get out and leave me alone…but by God here you still stand you self-righteous son-of-a-bitch!”
“You’re right,” he finally conceded. “I’m going…but I just want you to know that I love you so much and I am so…”
“Don’t…” Brittany stopped him. “Don’t apologize to me…you broke me and there are no words that can make up for that.
So please don’t apologize, just go…”
She turned away from him and leaned forward against the dresser where a birth announcement for Douglas and
Caress's son Liam lay…delivered in the mail earlier that day with the newspaper, her magazine and the cell phone bill…
“Just go…” she closed her eyes and felt the tears race much faster down her face, “just go…”
Audrey Learns the Truth About Nicholas
Episode 141: Empire State of Mind, Part III
"If you have a secret that you want to keep then you tell Nicholas," laughs Hawkins. In
this incredible scene, Audrey confronts her ex-husband and the father of her children
after she learned he had accepted money for thirty-two years to stay married to him.
Furthermore, Audrey learned that Nicholas knew of a codicil to her father's will that gave
her control of King Fashion that Nicholas also knew about. This episode was the
second time Nicholas got yelled at in New York City."
Nicholas burst into through one of the rooms backstage and slammed the door behind him, “What the hell was that out
there Audrey?” he demanded to know.
Audrey spun around and her eyes met with his. She said nothing, but she could feel the anger, the rage boiling inside
her. There he stood before her – the man she loved, the man that she had trusted, the father of her children and
ultimately the man who had betrayed her.
“You humiliated me…” he told and without thought her hand snapped across his face.
“I humiliated you?” she asked with a bitter laugh. “I humiliated you?” she repeated. “I am so sorry Nicholas,” her words
dripped with sarcasm and mockery. “What on earth could I have possibly been thinking?”
He held the side of his face and stared her down, “You humiliated me in front of our children,” he told her. “Could you
“Could I not have what Nicholas darling? Announced that you defrauded me out of my company for the last twenty years?”
“I think you should stand there and think very, very carefully what the next words out of your mouth are going to be
Nicholas,” Audrey warned him. “What I said up there on the runway should be the least of your concerns.”
A cold knot formed in the pit of his stomach as his eyes boldly met Audrey’s, “What else do you think that you know
“I know that you took money from my father…from my mother our entire marriage…” she said in very calm, collected tone.
“I don’t give a damn about you right now…I don’t give a damn about your humiliation…” she raised her tone.
“You come here acting sanctimonious and holier than though as if you have done nothing wrong you miserable bastard!”
she paused and took a breath. “You should have come in here on your hands and knees begging me for my forgiveness
after everything that you have done to me.”
“What are you talking about Audrey? You sound like a crazy…”
“Nicholas…” she held her finger up at him, “don’t you call me crazy. Because I will slap you again you arrogant son-of-a-
bitch,” Audrey warned him. “I am in no mood to play your games…I’ve already played enough games today with Patricia,”
she revealed. “It’s seems as though you were not her only source of income.”
“That bitch…” he muttered under his breath.
“You’ll be glad to know though that I wasn’t nearly as stupid as you were…at least not today anyway,” she told him. “I
suppose there’s a first time for everything. I called the NYPD after I met with Patricia earlier and she was arrested for
extortion during the fashion show,” Audrey told him.
Nicholas turned away from Audrey and shook his head. He was pissed at himself for not having thought of that himself
and he asked, “So you know everything then?”
“Yes Nicholas I know every miserable thing that you did,” she told him. “How could you do this to me? I am the mother of
your children. We shared a life together. How could I be nothing more than a paycheck for you?”
“You don’t know everything,” he told her. “That’s not how it was Audrey. You only know what Patricia has told you.”
“I know enough to know that you treated me like nothing more than a common whore. We were married for thirty-two
years…” she shook her head, “we built a life together…I gave you children and now I look back on those years and they
are tainted,” Audrey lowered her head and began to cry.
“You’re actions Nicholas,” she said through her tears, “they are horrific, they are vile and they are disgusting. You have
made an embarrassment of our life together…of our children.”
“Don’t you ever call our children an embarrassment Audrey,” he told her. “Those kids are the best of you and me.”
“They are the best of me,” she corrected him. “There is nothing good about you Nicholas. You are a morally bankrupt
man and the fact that I have loved you for forty-two years…” she searched for the words, “I don’t know what that makes
Audrey wiped her tears away from her face and began to walk towards the door when Nicholas stepped in front of it.
“You can’t go, not like this,” he told. “Audrey you have to let me make this right.”
She threw her head back with a laugh and placed her hands on her hips, “You can’t make this right,” Audrey assured him.
“You having an affair with Brandi – that was something that you could have made right. Being paid by my parents to stay
married to me, lying about ownership of King Fashion, destroying the admiration and respect that I once had for my
father…these are things that you cannot make right Nicholas.”
“So what are you going to do with this information?”
Audrey shook her head, “Nothing. For once I am going to be the better person Nicholas. I am not going make the fact that
our marriage was a one-sided arrangement public knowledge. Our children do not deserve to know what pathetic and
small creature of a man their father is,” she assured him.
“Our marriage and the love that I once had for you is tarnished. But I will not allow you or anyone else for that matter
tarnish my children’s childhood,” Audrey told him.
“And King Fashion?” he questioned.
“King Fashion is a completely different story. I meant every word I said out there on the runway,” Audrey assured him. “I
intend to reclaim what is rightfully mine.”
“Then just know that you’ll have a fight on your hands,” he warned her.
“I wouldn’t expect anything less from you Nicholas,” Audrey said as she pushed him out of the way.
“And just so you are aware…if it ever gets out that you were a husband for hire and our children find out…” she turned
and looked him square in the eye, “I will kill you,” she smiled at him.
“And that my darling Nicholas…is an honest to God promise.”
Natasha and Preston Throw Caution to the Wind
Episode 146: Things People Say
"This is the episode where Natasha's life truly changed for the better. Since the
beginning of the series in 2001 Natasha has been plagued with one drama after
another: Andrew's affair, devastating relationship with Bradley, Jered's death, Brandi's
involvement in Jered's death and most recently her relationship with Nicholas. I felt it
was time to take the care to the very bottom and watch her rebuild herself from there
and enter the delicious Preston Crawford."
Preston – the dinner, the wine and that kiss. She wondered what it could all mean and out of nowhere it hit her!
“You foolish women,” she said to herself in a harsh, bitter tone.
She was doing the same exact thing with Preston that she had done when John Sterling broke her heart, the same thing
she had done when she caught Andrew cheating on her…she was rebounding with yet another man.
And as if a bolt of lightning had struck she jolted to the closet and pulled out the suitcase she had brought with her from
New York City. Natasha threw it on top of the bed and began throwing things from her nightstand in it.
“I have to go home,” she told herself. As she began to remove her clothes from the dress drawers she caught her
reflection in the mirror. Natasha stood there for a moment holding an arm load of clothes and she repeated, “I have to go
“If you stay then things are going to turn out just like they did with Bradley and with Nicholas…and before you know it
you're going to be knee deep in another six year relationship with a man that you don’t love…a man that you never loved,”
she finally admitted to herself, about Nicholas.
Natasha turned away from the mirror and put her clothes in the suitcase. She was so lost in that moment – her mind
filled with confusion about Preston and her heart filled with an ache that was caused from not seeing her daughters in
months that she didn’t hear when he called out her name or entered the cabin.
But there he stood in the doorway of her bedroom and he asked, “Are you going somewhere?”
“I called out your name a few times and the front door was wide open,” Preston told her. “I certainly didn’t mean to scare
“Are you going somewhere?” he repeated.
Natasha returned to the dresser and collected the last remaining items from the dresser, “Yes. I’m going back home,”
she told him.
“Oh?” his voice dropped down and she could tell that he didn’t like her answer. “Is everything alright back home, did
something happen? Or does it have to do with your visitor the other night?”
She looked across the room. He was still standing there in the doorway of her bedroom and she thought to herself, “You
don’t owe this man an explanation,” but she felt he deserved one.
“I suppose that everything is fine at home, I honestly don’t know and it has nothing to do with Pamela,” she answered his
question. “I just…I’ve been hiding here since February…hiding…” Natasha repeated. “I haven’t seen my daughters or my
granddaughter in months and I just think it’s time that I go home and finally face whatever it is that I’ve been hiding from
for all this time.”
He leaned his body against the door frame and asked her the question he had tried so diligently to not ask her since they
met. “What is it exactly that you’re hiding from? Why did you come here to begin with?”
“Yes I imagined that it was,” he told her. “But that’s not what I asked you. I want to know what made you run away from
your life and maybe, just maybe I can help you get over it.
Natasha looked across at him standing there and she stopped packing her suitcase. “My son died,” she announced,
“eight years ago and the woman who was responsible for the accident that killed him was my best friend…and she knew
she was responsible for his accident and for months lied to me about it.”
She sat down on the edge of the bed and her back was to Preston. “She went to trial and was convicted of manslaughter
and after the trial ended I began dating her ex-husband because I wanted to replace her in her son’s life,” she admitted
to herself for the first time ever. “I wanted to hurt her as badly as she had hurt me for breaking my trust and my heart…and
then earlier this year we found out she was going to be up for parole.”
“What happened with the ex-husband?” Preston asked softly.
“Well he’s the ultimate reason I ran away I guess you could say,” she answered him. “In January we pushed up our
wedding date up…” Natasha slowly shook her head. “So many people questioned why I wanted to marry him…his ex-
wife, my sister and I refused to look inside my heart and ask myself that same question, so I asked God for a sign,” she
laughed. “I should have known better than that…”
Her laughter faded, “Because I asked God for a miracle as my son lay dying in a hospital bed and I didn’t get that either.
But as they say God works in mysterious ways and as I stood with Nicholas, before my family and my friends…as he was
repeating our wedding vows…he said…I Nicholas, take thee Brandi…” her words trailed off. “And just like that I had my
sign, but it came at a price…my humility. Afterwards in my hotel suite I stood looking in the mirror and I didn’t know who
the woman looking back at me was. I wasted six years of my life with a man that I knew from day one I didn’t love…” she
turned and looked at him from the bed. “I was lost and confused and betrayed yet again and that’s why I ran.”
Still standing in the doorway he told her, “You don’t strike me as the type of woman to runaway and hide from life when it
“I didn’t runaway because life got tough Preston,” she snapped at him. “I ran away because I didn’t like the person I had
become,” Natasha felt tears swelling in her eyes. “Since the day I put my son in the ground, I have been blinded by my
unwavering need to settle a score…to avenge his death. That consumed me like nothing else in my life has ever done
and then on my wedding day to be referred to by the name of the woman who killed him…I couldn’t handle that. I didn’t
runaway because life was tough, I ran away because I was about to lose my mind.”
Preston made his way into the room one step at a time. He could see she was fragile and all he wanted in that moment
was to help her.
“And now how do you feel? You’re packing to go home so you must have found the answers that you were looking for.
Have you come to terms with desire for revenge? Do you recognize the woman in the mirror now?” he asked. “Have you
found all of the answer that you came here to find?”
Natasha shook her head, “I have some of those answers. But I don’t have all of them.”
He came into the bedroom and squatted down in front of her. His eyes were the lightest shade of blue she had ever seen
on another human being and when he smiled up at her, she could feel her heart melting.
“I believe that everything happens for a reason Natasha,” he took her hands in his. “If you haven’t found the answer you
came here to find then you should keep looking them. Everything that has happened with your son and the woman who
was responsible for his death and your ex-fiancé…you need to put that behind you and move on.”
“And just how exactly would you propose that I do that?” she asked of the man she had barely known a week.
“When my wife died I asked my momma that same question and do you know what she said?” Preston asked, as
Natasha shook her head. “She told me to throw caution to the wind. You came here to learn how to live again and live
with yourself – so do that, don’t runaway again.”
Natasha sat on the edge of the bed, with her hands in his and she reveled in the fact that this man who had known her
less than a week understood her and what she needed far better than any other man had her entire life.
“Say something?” he ordered her. “Do you want to throw caution to the wind or do you want to runway again? The
decision is up to you, but I’m only going to help you do one or the other – and we both know which one I’m rooting for.”
Masterful persuasion seemed to be his style and she wondered to herself if this was the types of speeches Preston
gave to his football players before a big game or in the locker room when they were losing at halftime. Either way his
words had changed her thought process and rattled something within her. Suddenly she found herself questioning…
“And if I do throw caution to the wind…I can do all of that with you?”
He smiled, “If you want, then yes you can. I’m a good man Natasha Bradshaw…and I would be a liar if I told you that I
thought you should do this alone and my momma, she didn’t raise me to be a liar.”
Natasha lightly placed her hands on his face and smiled. “You believe that everything happens for a reason?” she asked
him and he answered with a nod of his head. “Then what is the reason behind us meeting?”
Without looking away from her, Preston replied, “I don’t know yet. But what I do know is that I’m looking forward to finding
out what it is,” he smiled.
Natasha leaned forward and pressed her lips against his for a brief kiss and when she pulled away a smile emerged
across her face – her fears from earlier washed away and she said, “All right then, let’s do it…let’s throw caution to the
Andrew Prepares to Propose Marriage to Sabrina
Episode 147: The Edge of Glory
"To quote Taylor Swift I never, ever thought Andrew and Sabrina would be husband and
wife...ever! This pairing came out of nowhere for me and I thought that it should be done
the same way for the readers. In a very quick span of time the former enemies and exes
went from walking down memory lane to a kiss to elevator sex and eventually marriage.
The fact that Andrew and Sabrina are now a united front, I really consider them the new
power couple - so River's Edge better watch out!"
Hill home. Her conversation earlier that day with Natasha had helped provide some clarity, but after the four hour drive
from Canton to River’s Edge she felt as though she hadn’t resolved anything about her feelings for Andrew.
In fact, as she slowly gathered her belongings from the passenger seat and made her way to the house, she wondered if
her feelings were now even more convoluted than when she had set out to find Natasha.
Once inside her house she immediately noticed how calm and quiet it was. She glanced quickly at her watch and noted
that it wasn’t time for Brayden’s bedtime and she didn’t even entertain the notion of him having fallen asleep early.
Sabrina made her way from the foyer and was headed toward the backyard when out of the corner of her eye she saw
him standing there. It was clearly the answer as to why everything was so peaceful, serene and silent.
“What are you doing here?” she asked of Andrew who was standing in the living room.
“I thought we should talk,” he told her. “I sent Brayden out with the babysitter to a movie. I wanted some time alone with
“I don’t think that’s a very good idea,” Sabrina fired at him. “Considering the last time we were alone together.”
Andrew smiled at the thought of their elevator entrapment and the events that subsequently took place.
“I think that’s precisely why we need some time alone…to address the elephant in the room. We owe it to one another to
at least talk about what’s going on between us. First our conversation on the flight to Chicago and the kiss at the hotel
and then the elevator…”
“Mistakes!” Sabrina threw her hands in the air. “Every single thing you just mentioned was a mistake.”
“I think you’re telling yourself that, but I don’t think you believe it,” he told her as came across the room towards her. “I
don't see them as mistakes Sabrina and I think if you would be honest with yourself you wouldn’t either.”
“What the hell does that mean Andrew? Do you not think I’m being honest with myself? I honestly know the man that you
are and believe me what happened in Chicago and the elevator was a mistake,” she lied.
Andrew shook his head at her. “You think I believe that? I can see in your eyes Sabrina that you don’t even believe that.
What’s going on here?”
She shrugged her shoulders, “I have the foggiest. You’re the one who came into my home and sent my son away so we
could be alone…you tell me what’s going on here Andrew.”
He looked down at her and their eyes briefly met with one another’s before Sabrina jerked her head away from his gaze.
He loved the fire that she possessed. It was like an energy he had never felt before and for the first time in years –
perhaps since Jered had died he felt alive.
“I can’t deny any longer what I’m feeling,” he told her. “When I’m with you…I feel for the first time in a very longtime alive.
You bring out something in me Sabrina and its good…”
“We’ve never brought out anything good in one another,” she told him.
Andrew reached into the pocket of his slack and pulled out a small black velvet box. “I don’t think that’s the case
Sabrina took notice of the box and she held her hand up to stop him, “Don’t you say another word…” she ordered him,
“not before you tell me what the hell that is in your hand Andrew Bradshaw!”
“Okay…I’ll admit that’s not exactly the reaction that I was hoping to get,” Andrew told her.
Sabrina crossed the room shaking her head every step of the way. “You brought a ring to my house? You brought a ring
to my house!” she repeated. “What is going through your mind right now?”
He smiled at her, “I’ve fallen in love with you Sabrina.”
“Fallen or falling?” she questioned. “There’s a pretty big difference between the two Andrew. And just what may I ask do
you think is going to be different now than it was before? In case you’ve forgotten – we’ve done this already once and it
didn’t work out all that well.”
“It’s different this time,” he promised her. “We’re two very different people than we were ten years ago Sabrina.”
“You think we’re different?” she asked him as the clarity she has desperately wanted earlier slowly began to settle in. “Oh
God…next you’re going to tell me that you think we’ve changed too.”
“I know we’ve changed Sabrina,” Andrew assured her. “We are two very different people than we were the last time we
did this. When we were married, it was because of some pretty shitty circumstances that I caused,” he admitted. “I did
what I thought I had to do and you did what you thought you had to do. But when you kissed me in Chicago…when we
made love in that elevator…I felt different and I think you did too.”
“You felt different because you’re ten years older,” she mocked and turned away from him.
He caught her wrist and spun her around to face him. “Exactly. Older and wiser…” Andrew told her. “I love you
Sabrina…and if you would just be honest with yourself I think you would agree that you are in love with me too.”
She broke free of his hold and shook her head at him in disagreement, “No I’m not…” the words caught in her throat and
as she ran her fingers through her hair she whispered, “Damn you! Damn you!”
Sabrina turned away from him and buried her face behind her hands. She thought about what she was about to do and
for a moment a small part of her advised her to run...run as fast as she could out the front door and never look
back…because that small part of her knew what was about to happen.
“We’ve done this already once before,” Sabrina announced. “And I’ve been right here in this same damn spot two times
since and both of those times have ended badly for me.”
“And has it ever crossed your mind as to why they ended that way Sabrina?” he took her hand in his. “I love you,” Andrew
told her for a second time. “I’m not perfect and you’re not perfect, but together I think we can be damn near close to
perfection if we just forget all the history and the bullshit we’ve put one another through.”
She looked at him and cracked a small smile, “I want to make a fresh start with you,” he told her.
Sabrina shook her head and took a deep breath. “Before you ask what we both know you’re going to ask…you have to
promise me that this is for real…that this is for keeps…you promise me that you won’t leave me at the altar and you
promise me that your children will respect me because I am your wife, because I will not accept anything less than
that…” her lips trembled with a combination of fear and happiness. “I have a son to consider now above everything else
“When you ask me…you had better be certain Andrew Bradshaw, because I deserve that…I deserve to be loved and if
you cannot do those things, if you’re unsure about any of it…if you can’t commit to me and promise me those
things…then you go…you leave right now…”
Josh and Ryan Break-Up
Episode 152: Bless the Broken Road, Part III
"As Sabrina and Andrew were coming together during the daily episodes in October,
another couple were breaking up. Josh and Ryan have had a rocky relationship that has
included fighting with one another, other boyfriends, angry sex and mutually satisfying
sex. However, when Josh learned that his chemotherapy hadn't been successful in
dealing with his testicular cancer he made the one-sided decision to end his
relationship with Ryan."
center of his living room. “Well first of all this isn’t like the last time we broke up. Because the last time I wasn’t fighting for
my life or for my sanity for that matter,” he paused and thought for a moment. “You want an explanation, well here’s your
explanation Ryan…it didn’t work.”
“What are you talking about Joshua? What didn’t work?”
“The chemotherapy Ryan,” he replied in a low, tormented voice. “I still have cancer.”
asked with all the reassurance he could muster.
Josh shook his head and couldn’t help but laugh, “Five minutes ago I told you to get out of my apartment that we were
finished and now you think because I told you I still have cancer that I’m going to want you back? There is no we in this
picture Ryan don’t you get that? I’m going to continue to fight this miserable disease and you’re going to leave.”
“Don’t do this Joshua…” Ryan pleaded with him. “You and I we’ve built something here these last few months and I know
that you’re upset…but don’t push me away,” he told him as tears began to swell up in his eyes. “I care about you…I love
you and think that if you would just stop being so stubborn you would admit to loving me too.”
He swallowed hard and fought back his own tears before he lied to Ryan, “I do love you. I appreciate what you’ve done for
me I really do…” his mouth suddenly became dry and he found it hard to swallow. “But we both know…we’ve always
known what would happen if the chemotherapy didn’t work and now…”
“You think I care about that?” Ryan stopped him. “I care about you Joshua. I don’t care if you have two or one or none…I
love you and that’s not going to change,” he assured him.
Josh swallowed hard and shook his head, “You say that now Ryan,” he yelled at him. “But you’re twenty-eight years old
and what happens tomorrow or a week from now or a month from now or a year from now when you decide that I’m not
enough? What happens when you wake one morning and you realize that I’m nothing but damaged goods?”
“Don’t say that,” Ryan told him. “You know that you’re not damaged goods. I would never think of you that way Josh. For
fuck sake I am standing here telling you that I will love you no matter what and…”
“And I’m standing here telling you to go!” Josh interrupted him with a raised voice. “You deserve…” he lowered his head
and closed his eyes. “You deserve…you deserve something more…you deserve better than me and I don’t deserve to be
constantly wondering if I’m enough for you. To be constantly wondering that if we I have to offer you is enough. That’s not
fair to either one us.”
They both stood in complete silence. They both thought of what the other had said.
After a few minutes of silence Josh finally raised his head up and his blood shot eyes met with Ryan’s. He drew in a
deep breath and then told him, “I thought the chemo would work and I thought…” he shook his head, “no prayed that
when I found it had, that you would be there with me. I imagined in my mind that it would be this sign that we were
supposed to be together.”
“We can still be together Joshua,” Ryan said as he stepped closer to him. “I want to be with you because I’ve been
without you for far too long.”
“I can’t…” Josh told him as his voice cracked. “I know that you love me…but I can’t…”
Ryan took a step backwards and then another. “You want me to go?” he questioned and then turned around to walk
away. As he reached for the door handle he said barely loud enough for Josh to hear, “If you love someone…set them